Thunderpig’s Mirror

The Next Obama Speech, As Written By Common Cents

Posted by Thunder Pig on March 20, 2008

A new blog, called Common Cents, has written Barack McDaddy Obama’s next speech for him, and since I can’t link to individual posts, I’ll reproduce it in full below:


“Good evening my friends! I come to you today as an agent of the future. Now for far far too long now politicians have feared the future – they have dreaded the future. I come to you with a new message “Do not fear the future”! I can say this because I humbly believe that the FUTURE LIES IN OUR FUTURE NOT IN OUR PAST. The cynic may say the future is not in our future but I can say to you without equivocation and with complete confidence that the future lies not in our past – not in the present but in the future. The past is clearly past and the present is clear in the present but the future is what lies ahead not as the cynics say in the past. Now as the future comes it slowly becomes the present and then eventually becomes the past. But the future will not come before the past but after it thus we look forward to the future, not the past, because the past has passed and the future lies before us, until it becomes the present and eventually the past (LOUD APPLAUSE). So I ask you to join with me as we look forward to the future and with great anticipation because the future is what we all will have to face! The cynics may say that we fear the future and dread the present but this campaign is rooted in the philosophy that the future is the only thing that exists beyond the present.

– Now I also come to you as an agent of Hope. Hope is what we hope for not what is not hoped for. Although in the past hope was based on things not hoped for I say to you in our campaign we will only hope for hopeful things. Without hope is hopelessness which is defined by the absence of hope. Those unfortunate souls without hope need only hope to attain hope and become hopeful. So if we only hope we can replace hopelessness with hope and become filled with hope. Is it this simple – I believe so – if only the hopeless begin to hope they will become hopeful once the hopelessness leaves. Hope implies a certain amount of despair, wanting, wishing and anguish. But in this campaign I pledge to you to replace all absence of hope with hope and to work tirelessly, night and day to bring hope to those without hope so that the hopeless can become transformed, even transfigured, to hopeful without leaving their hope behind. How can they leave their hope behind if they have no hope and thus are hopeful. I believe that every human being in God’s creation has hope even those who the cynics and the critics say are hopeless have some vestige of hope innate in them and we will lift up that hope, we will nourish and nuture that hope until they become hopeful and filled with hope! (LOUD APPLAUSE) Some may say this has been tried in the past, to lift up those without hope, to to install hope to those without hope but this campaign is different. This campaign is founded on hope and literally injecting hope into the hopeless, to root out all vestiges of hopeless until all are hopeful and full of hope – because those without hope are the ones most in need of hope. The hopeful already have hope, my friend it is the hopeless who need the hope that we so clearly bring!

– And additionally this grass roots campaign is about the future and obviously about hope but ultimately this campaign is routed in change. Now change is not possible without changing, without changing we have not changed and we are unchanged. (APPLAUSE> The change may or may not be easy but more likely than not it is hard because the easy change may have already occurred. Thus if we are left with a choice between easy and hard change in the past only the easy change occurred but I pledge to you – I make a solemn vow to be an agent not only of easy change but also of hard change. If we only change the easy and neglect to change the hard what good is that because the hard change remains unchanged until we change it. Now if we change the hard but do not change the easy we fall into that trap where the hard change becomes the easy and the easy change becomes hard and visa-versa. Now in the past the cynics and critics have said that the hard change is hard to change while the easy change is easy to change. Now that may sound good until you dig deep and really examine what that means, now everyone here is smart enough to realize that if we do not change the hard change it will be unchanged until we change it. (LOUD APPLAUSE) Now my friends, I pledge to you on this day to not rest – to work tirelessly – to change both the easy change and the hard change, unless the hard change is too hard to change!!

– This campaign is about all the above The Future, Hope and Change. We can hope for change but we must do more than hope. As I stated hopelessness is the absence of hope and the future lies not in our past but in our future. This campaign began and continues as a campaign of hope and change so as not to avoid the future but to embrace the future. We can hope to change the change but we must remember to change both the easy and the hard change. Hopefully. So in conclusion, I give you my solemn vow, my solemn pledge to work day and night to work toward the future, to change both the hard and easy change not only in the future but in the present, until the present becomes the past at which time it will become impossible to change, as has happened in the past! For until we change the present it will be impossible to change the past because the present becomes the unchanged past if not changed. My fellow Americans – I have been very specific about the change and hope which I propose. The cynic will say it is to much to hope for all this change. I say we are Americans, One Country and the I will be there to enact this change and hope in the future, once it becomes the present and before it becomes the past!!! THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE – FEMALES FAINT

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