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Archive for April 13th, 2007

NANCY GOES TO IRAN by Richard Rivette

Posted by Thunder Pig on April 13, 2007

Guest Commentary

Dear Ms. Pelosi;

Please go to Iran immediately. We are sure your brand of shuttle diplomacy will have an equally stunning effect as it has with the terrorist activities that emanate from Syria. We can hardly wait to see what wonderful concessions you bring about in Iran’s nuclear program. We also hope you are able to bring about a warming of relations between our two nations so that Iran can once again enjoy all the benefits of being a world partner. Thank you so much for acting as the alternate President (as the Saudis call you) and showing the world the two-faced, I mean, two faces of America.
They’ve seen the sovereign face in George Bush. It is now time they see the diminutive, cowering face you hope to present to the President of Iran and the mullahs who hold power. Thank you for making this historic trip.

Dear President Achmedinjad;

Forget anything negative I’ve said about you in the past. PLEASE take Nancy Pelosi hostage when she arrives in Iran. The United States, as you know, has a Constitutional requirement that makes her THIRD in line to the President. Since you can’t get your hands on George Bush
or Dick Cheney, what better present can the American people give you to hold over us than Speaker Pelosi? She is willing to convert to Islam as you’ve seen and do just about anything and say anything you tell her to. You could keep her hostage as long as you like and never
have to worry about an attack on your country. If you have to rough her up and violate her in any way, please do what you must so she makes a good, compliant hostage like the Americans you held for 444 days back in 1979. I am sure she will be a wonderful puppet addition
to your stable. Honestly, she has gotten so big for her britches it would serve her right to be abused, er, cared for in the Islamic manner you wish to bring to the world.

Dear U.S. Armed Forces;

When Nancy Pelosi is taken hostage in Iran please do not bother to try to rescue her. She has made it very clear by her defunding attempts that not only does she not want any U.S. military presence in the Middle East, but she wishes to also give up any ability on the part of the U.S. to defend itself against terrorism. Since she will be cooperating fully with the Iranians and will be treated well while she is being held, there really is no cause for concern. Besides, she is the last person that wants American blood spilled at her expense.
Thank God she is willing to forfeit her life as she knows it so none of our brave soldiers have to risk their lives to protect or defend her. She knows what she’s doing. She is the alternate President, so that kind of makes her your boss in a “I-want-you-to-do-your-job-but- not-so-well-and-to-make-sure-I’m-going-to-see-you-are-not-paid-nor-equipped” sort of way. Anyway, thanks for all you do, but just leave Nancy to her own devices. We are sure she will find a way to gnaw out of her constraints and get herself over the border to Iraq or Afghanistan where she will be warmly greeted with flower petals.

Dear Ms. Pelosi’s staff;

We are not sure where this places you but apparently you should get used to reciting the Koran and wearing Burkas (for the women). Also please be aware you may be beaten, raped, branded, or otherwise mutilated but it’s all for a good cause. Nancy assures us she is going to be the Chamberlain of our time and smooth everything over with the Iranians. Sorry, but you love and devoted yourselves to her so now you have to follow her into hell, er, the pit, er, Iran and put up with the consequences.

Dear President Bush;

Sometimes you have to let something go if you truly love it. Nancy Pelosi is that kind of free spirit. You should consider dedicating a small monument to her inside the Capitol rotunda after she has an “accident” in Iranian custody. Perhaps a small marble slab with an inscription lauding her brilliant tenure as the first female Speaker of the House. Something tasteful. You could call for a national day of mourning. I know you are a decent man so I will leave the memorial
up to you.

Dear Pelosi hotel/resort employees;

As you may be aware you will have a new employer soon. We wish you continued success in all your endeavors and ask you to keep Nancy in your hearts while she saves the world from itself in the coming years. Her captivity will be a beacon of hope to all those Americans who also wish to become slaves under Islam. Peace be with you.

Good luck with your trip Ms. Pelosi. You are a strong person. Somehow you will get through everything. And thanks for conducting your own, independent foreign policy. You know what they say: Shofar, so good.

-Richard Rivette
Authority is granted to reproduce this article at will provided the
notice is given that the contents are copyright 2007 Richard Rivette.

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